“I was in absolute black. It took me a while to discover the ground was a cave, with a dark pool. When i reached for the water, i felt something brushing against my hand. something looking for help. I realised it was a young man. My hand got covered with the water, which i noticed were salty, like tears. When i held his hand , it became obvious he was a friend, whom i had lost recently after he ended his life. Our touching started a faint glow, gently lighting the cave. His naked body started looking healthier, his skin adding a shine to the light. I realised something else was stirring in the pool, another friend that had passed away, jumping up, gasping for air. He immediately started glowing as well, and as i looked around, i saw many people who had ended their lives, some sitting , weeping in selfhate, loneliness and sadness. Some of them cowered out of fear of this new light. Covered in plantlife, as they were long forgotten in their physical reality. Some gained the courage to join us, in what became more like a hug of self-forgiving release. Naked, some still ashamed but visibly less vulnerable. The plants started growing buds,. Our bodies intertwining, shining. As the light increased, in the hands of our pile of beautiful men , an orb of blackness started forming, sucking the dark away into an increasingly beautiful infinite jetblack object. As these men forgave themselves , the sins they believed they committed were absolved by themselves, kissing their brethren passionately, lovingly holding each other. All were equals. The room by then had completely cleared the nightly atmosphere, the cave became fully transparent, glass and crystalline. I noticed flowerbuds had started sprouting everywhere on the ground, the walls. Flowers growing from the men’s loving energy. The only evidence of the dark left, was the jetblack orb, in the middle of the embrace of self-love. Looking to the walls, we could see lush fields, through the transparent borders, the sun shining and the sky the brightest blue. Gathering everyone together, holding hands, we confidently stepped out. Hundreds of us, stepping out onto the field. Some immediately walked off, some wanted to stay in the moment for longer , engaging in loving their sexual found freedom. In the group of thousands of men of all ages embracing what they could not in their physical life, some started floating. They gently were lifted up , pulling each other together . into the sky. Gradually a maelstrom of men, gleaming in the sun were flying turning towards the light above. They finally entered into infinite love of the experience of life they had denied themselves. Many chose to remain for a while, to enjoy this last moment of etheric pleasure with one another. The sky was filled with smiling , joyful males. I looked up in awe and around the field at the caressing groups with love . Then i met with my guide to see where she would take me next.”
This element of my experience ,i have been expressing in various artworks over time. I try to encourage people that life and its so-called sins are about self-induced shame and can only be solved by forgiving yourself for feeling that shame.